>> Saturday, December 27, 2008

So it is snowing outside and I am going to wait a bit longer before I go out to shovel the driveway and sidewalk (even though it is supposed to snow until 11 pm). I really want to go to Starbucks so I am going to have to shovel at some point today even if it is at 7 pm before I head to my soccer game.

Last night I got to go and see a friend that I haven't seen a while. I forgot what it is like to have a good friend like her who is only a few years older than me. It was fun to enjoy some good dessert and to try some wine (mmm...). :) I also had the opprotunity to catch her up on my life. I didn't realize how much went on in the time that we didn't see each other.

I really don't have much else to say. I think I am going to get ready for the day. Brave the snow and get coffee for me and a few friends then go play in the snow. I hope that y'all had an amazing Christmas. God bless!


It rained.

>> Wednesday, November 12, 2008

With the Thanksgiving season not far off, I am reminded of the things that I am thankful for...and that was totally what I was going to post about. But that will have to wait because I have something so much more pressing on my heart and mind. So sit back and relax...it is time for Whitney's Wandering Thoughts....

It rained yesterday, but not just any rain. It was the type of sprinkle that could soak you to the deepest layers of underclothes before too long. I almost hate that type of rain, but then again, I tend to find a sense of release and freedom in the rain. When it rains, I have the childlike desire to run through the rain and jump into the biggest puddle to see how far I can get the rain to come up on my pants. But last night, my release and freedom was not jumping in puddles, instead my release came in the way of tears, after all, it is easier to pass off tears as raindrops when your face is already wet from the rain. After my classes yesterday, I went to visit an old high school teacher that still has a place in my heart. We were catching up and I learned something about her that I didn't know. It hit a cord in my heart that resonated through my entire body. I bit my lower lip in an effort to not cry but when I left and was walking out to my car, I couldn't help it. The floodgates behind my eyes opened and I was bawling like a little baby. What my teacher had expierenced hit me like a ton of bricks and it hurt. It really shouldn't have - she didn't seem so affected by it. But for some reason my heart hurt on such a deep level. I don't know what to say or feel so this is where I shall end.

God bless you all!


I can't lie to you.

>> Thursday, November 6, 2008

I would be lying to you if I told you that I was the happiest girl on the block and that I was higher than the clouds. But to be completely honest, I feel like I am looking up to see rock bottom. I know I'm not that low but right now it seems like it.

I am so homesick for Arkansas and my 'family' and friends there. I would do anything to go back right now and be with the ones I love. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I need to go back there but at the same time, I kind of don't want to. My last trip down there was important for me to spend some time with those that I love more than anything and for me to form the conclusion that I really didn't need to live there. I should be perfectly fine living 2000 miles away and only visiting 2, maybe 3, times a year, but for some reason right now, I am not. I am far from okay. Maybe it is because Nanny is having complications with her stomach because of the chemo; maybe it is because Joshua is coming home from Iraq in a little over a month and I won't be there to welcome him home. The people down there are the closest thing to family that I feel like I have. I feel like a college student that is really far from home and that I only get to come home for a couple weeks a year. But I need to get past this homesick phase so that I can focus on school. My grades will fall through the floor if I am not careful but I can't stop the hot tears from falling or the knot from forming in my throat. I guess that I will just have to find a way of coping with it no matter how difficult it is. Anyone got any ideas?


Yeah...I'm random!

>> Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I am not really sure what to write about, I just know that I haev this urge to write so here it goes...

This morning, one of my close friends and I had a pretty good heart and to heart talk. It didn't solve my problems or create world peace but down inside of me, it answered a few of those gut wrenching questions that I have had and have been too scared to ask. I apprieciate that I have friends like that. Ones that are willing to put aside their thoughts for a bit and be completely honest with me.

I should be writing a speech right now but my mind is foggy and I have a really bad headache. I can barely concentrate on trying to read th einformation, let alone try to write a speech for a competition that I have next weekend. Hopefully this sickness passes quickly and I will be able to push forth with working on this speech. If I don't, I very well may be speech coach bait.

I really want to go out on a date but I do not have the courage to ask a guy out. I wish that I was more confident but no such luck there. Maybe I just need my friends to set me up on a date or a few for this weekend. :)

Okay...well I guess that I should get back to working on homework. But here's a shoutout to all of my family in Arkansas I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD AND EVERYONE ELSE!


A good read.

>> Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Why I Can't Vote For Obama
By Huntley Brown

Dear Friends,

A few months ago I was asked for my perspective on Obama, I sent out an email with a few points. With the election just around the corner I decided to complete my perspective. Those of you on my e-list have seen some of this before but it's worth repeating...

First I must say whoever wins the election will have my prayer support. Obama needs to be commended for his accomplishments but I need to explain why I will not be voting for him.
Many of my friends process their identity through their blackness. I process my identity through Christ. Being a Christian (a Christ follower) means He leads, I follow. I can't dictate the terms, He does because He is the leader.

I can't vote black because I am black; I have to vote Christian because that's who I am. Christian first, black second. Neither should anyone from other ethnic groups vote because of ethnicity. 200 years from now I won't be asked if I was black or white. I will be asked if I knew Jesus and accepted Him as Lord and Savior.

In an election there are many issues to consider but when a society gets abortion, same-sex marriage, embryonic stem-cell research, human cloning - to name a few, then wrong economic concerns will soon not matter.

We need to follow Martin Luther King's words, "don't judge someone by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." I don't know Obama, so all I can go on is his voting record. His voting record earned him the title of the most liberal senator in the US Senate in 2007.

NATIONAL JOURNAL: Obama:Most Liberal Senator in 2007 (01/31/2008)

To beat Ted Kennedy and Hilary Clinton as the most liberal senator, takes some doing. Obama accomplished this feat in 2 short years. I wonder what would happen to America if he had four years to work with.

There is a reason Planned Parenthood gives him a 100 % rating. There is a reason the homosexual community supports him. There is a reason Ahmadinejad, Chavez, Castro, Hamas etc. love him. There is a reason he said he would nominate liberal judges to the Supreme Court. There is a reason he voted against the infanticide bill. There is a reason he voted "No" on the constitutional ban of same-sex marriage. There is a reason he voted "No" on banning partial birth abortion. There is a reason he voted "No" on confirming Justices Roberts and Alito. These two judges are conservatives and they have since overturned partial birth abortion. The same practice Obama wanted to continue.

Let's take a look at the practice he wanted to continue. The 5 Step Partial Birth Abortion procedures:

A. Guided by ultrasound, the abortionist grabs the baby's leg with forceps. (Remember this is a live baby)
B. The baby's leg is pulled out into the birth canal.
C. The abortionist delivers the baby's entire body, except for the head.
D. The abortionist jams scissors into the baby's skull. The scissors are then opened to enlarge the hole.
E. The scissors are removed and a suction catheter is inserted. The child's brains are sucked out, causing the skull to collapse. The dead baby is then removed.

God help him.

There is a reason Obama opposed the parental notification law.

Think about this: You can' not give a child an aspirin without parental notification but that same child can have an abortion without parental notification. This is insane.

There is a reason Obama went to Jeremiah Wright's church for 20 years.

Obama tells us he has good judgment, but he sat under Jeremiah Wright's teaching for 20 years. Now he is condemning Wright's sermons. I wonder why now?

Obama said Jeremiah Wright led him to the Lord and discipled him. A disciple is one in training. Jesus told us in Matthew 28:19 - 20 "Go and make disciples of all nations." This means reproduce yourself. Teach people to think like you, walk like you; talk like you believe what you believe etc. The question I have is what did Jeremiah Wright teach him?

Would you support a White President who went to a church which has tenets that said they have a
1. Commitment to the White Community
2. Commitment to the White Family
3. Adherence to the White Work Ethic
4. Pledge to make the fruits of all developing and acquired skills available to the White Community.
5. Pledge to Allocate Regularly, a Portion of Personal Resources for Strengthening and Supporting White Institutions
6. Pledge allegiance to all White leadership who espouse and embrace the White Value System
7. Personal commitment to embracement of the White Value System.

Would you support a President w ho went to a church like that?

Just change the word from white to black and you have the tenets of Obama's former church. If President Bush was a member of a church like this, he would be called a racist. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton would have been marching outside.

This kind of church is a racist church. Obama did not wake up after 20 years and just discover he'd been going to a racist church. The TRUE church can't be about race. Jesus did not come for any particular race. He came for the whole world.

A church can't have a value system based on race. The churches value system has to be based on biblical mandates. It does not matter if it's a white church or a black church based on racial values, it's still wrong. Anyone from either race that attends a church like this would never get my vote.

Obama's former Pastor Jeremiah Wright is a disciple of liberal theologian James Cone, author of the 1970 book "the goals of the black community". If God is not for us and against white people, then he is a murderer, and we had better kill him.

Cone is the man Obama's mentor looks up to. Does Obama believe this?

So what does all this mean for the nation?

In the past when the Lord brought someone with the beliefs of Obama to lead a nation it meant one thing - judgment.

Read 1 Samuel 8 when Israel asked for a king. First God says in 1 Samuel 1:9 "Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will do."

Then God says

1 Samuel 1:18 " When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the LORD will not answer you in that day." 19 But the people refused to listen to Samuel. "No!" they said. "We want a king over us. 20 Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles." 21 When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the LORD. 22 The LORD answered, "Listen to them and give them a king."

Here is what we know for sure.

God is not schizophrenic.

He would not tell one person to vote for Obama and one to vote for McCain. As the scripture says, a city divided against itself cannot stand, so obviously many people are not hearing from God. Maybe I am the one not hearing but I know God does not change and Obama contradicts many things I read in scripture so I doubt it.

For all my friends who are voting for Obama can you really look God in the face and say; Father ,based on your word, I am voting for Obama even though I know he will continue the genocidal practice of partial birth abortion. He might have to nominate three or four Supreme Court justices, and I am sure he will be nominating liberal judges who will be making laws that are against you. I also know he will continue to push for homosexual rights, even though you destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah for this. I know I can look the other way because of the economy.

I could not see Jesus agreeing with many of Obama's positions.

Finally I have two questions for all my liberal friends.

Since we know someone's value system has to be placed on the nation,
1. Whose value system should be placed on the nation.
2. Who should determine that this is the right value system for the nation?

Blessings,Huntley Brown


And empty coffee cup and an unused box of kleenex...

>> Monday, October 20, 2008

The atmosphere was absolutely perfect. I couldn't have designed a better evening - no breeze (for a bit at least), the warm evening sun casting its rays over the roofs of the businesses around and the submissive spirit in which I found myself in. A guitarist strummed the resonating chords of a worship song and I was lost - my mind found itself in a simpler day and time when the mud squished between my toes and my hair was rarely graced by any brush or comb. The expirence was short lived but well worth the patience.

I was brought back to the present day and time, welcomed by a friendly smile and I couldn't help but to reciprocate the smile. Our girls night of heart to heart moments had just begun but I could already sense the warming sensation of God's presence heavy in our midst. I loved it. If I could press the pause button on life for that moment of time, I would. I would press rewind and relive the secure feeling of His love wrapping its arms around us. Our heart to heart moment extended for nearly three hours with little to no notice from either of us. We came face to face with heart wrenching problems and troubles whose chains bind us in our self doubt and frustration. Our transparency was met with a love and compassion that can only come from a faith in Christ.

Nearly three hours were well spent. We found ourselves in a place of understanding for each other and a respect that cannot be found anywhere else but over an empty coffee cup and an unused box of kleenex. I love evenings like this - no amount of money in the world could make me want to give up times like this. There is something about times where you lose track of time and hugs find their place in mid conversation that make us feel like the world does have it tender parts.


Britt and Dana

>> Sunday, October 19, 2008

So I am sure that I have the most amazing friends on the entire face of the Earth...yep...that's right...they rock my socks off...including the lint at the toes that never goes away.

I sat beside one of them in our history class...I just needed somewhere close to sit so that I could understand the professor. Nothing more. But that chair in the third row and three seats in from the left has given me a reason to smile. And we have every other class together (didn't realize that right away). Her name is Brittney...affectionately called Britt. :)

Other other one...well we have a couple classes together. I think it was our cornerstone class that we connected in. And she proudly tells the story of my most embarrassing moment but it is okay...I love her anyways. I love this girl, Dana, she adds a different spin on the world...o to be a fresh high school graduate.

So why are my friends so freakin' A-Mazing?! Well, find a comfortable blanket, the one that gives you warm cuddly feelings when you are wrapped up in it and maybe sip a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, whatever you perfer...okay...well you don't have to do it but just a nice thought when it is getting colder outside. Here's my story...well...our story. :)

So we have this chapel requirement (the joys of going to a Christian university) and unfortunally we have to meet a certain criteria in order to get our degree in 4 years...gag me. Well on Wednesday, I DEFINITELY did not want to attend chapel, but in an effort to save my chapel skips for finals week, I went. I made it obvious that my attendance there was merely physical...or at least that is what I thought. God had something quite different up His sleeve (blast me for underestimating the His creativeness). The speaker was the pastor from another Nazarene church that is about 2 hours away but at one point he was the youth pastor at the church that I currently attend. He started off his sermon with something about a bridge jumper dying because he wasn't ready for the harsh winter climate that Idaho can dish out...as you can tell, I wasn't really paying attention. What drew me in was the phrase 'rescue line'. As a rock climber and avid extreme sports enthusist, this perked my interest but something inside of me also was tuned into what this pastor was saying. To make his sermon short, he emphasized God's rescue line to us all. During prayer I admit, I lost it. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore...after all I didn't want my head to explode (for those NNUers out there, I hope you caught that...hehe). I couldn't deny that in my complete heartbreak in the past week and frustration that seemed to be consuming me, I needed God's rescue line at that moment more than ever. As I cried like the baby that I am in my faith, Brittney took me into her arms, reassuring me that God is there for me. The pastor urged us to find a place where we could sumbit to God (or something along those lines...I was a goner by this point) so to my knees I fell...well kinda. It is hard to fall when you have approximately 22 inches between your seat and the seat back in front of you and a backpack that you have to share that space with. But anyways...I was on my knees, crying out to God with all that I had left (which wasn't much) and Dana and Britt were on thier knees with me. I don't know what they were praying about but honestly, it didn't matter to me. What mattered was the fact that they cared enough about me and my situation to get down on the uncomfortable floor with me. After my cry-fest, we all embraced each other and I honestly think that it was at that moment that something inside of us each bonded on an all new level. God put these amazing young women of Christ in my life to help guide me along the way. He knew that I would find myself in this situation and He knew exactly what I need and provided just that. He is faithful!

So yeah...Britt and Dana are pretty much the most amazing girls ever and I feel so blessed to have them as a part of my life. I can only hope that as we continue forth that I will be able to be here for these girls like they have been there for me. I love them! We are only in our freshman year - we still have another 3.5 years to foster this friendship into something so much more amazing. I won't be surprised if in 3.5 years, we are all still friends and can enjoy the simplicities of life together.


Growing pains are painful!

>> Friday, October 17, 2008

I have never had growing pains but if they are anything like faith growing pains, I don't think I want to experience them. Thank God for being short - no shin splints for me. :) But I only wish that growing in my faith was as un-painful as the last 21 years of growing physicially has been. It is like the moment that God suggests some growing and changing in my walk with Him, I wince at the possibilities of what He could be planning on doing.

I honestly think that growing in my faith this time has been the most painful. As soon as I saw the shears come out of His faith purning belt, I knew exactly what He was planning on doing. But I was by no means ready for him to cut that branch off. Now granted, it has been hanging by mere fibers but still I was not ready to let go. I would have perferred it to be duct taped back on but that was definitely not what God had in mind. So tonight the fibers by which that branch has been hanging by for several months were cut and o boy was it painful. I didn't even have the chance to look away as He counted to three - no, instead it was while it was staring directly at it that He chopped it from my tree.

So here I stand, one branch less but also with one less burden. I no longer have to worry about the stresses that come along with that branch or compromising that I may have to worry about. I am free from the pain and God is amazing for freeing me. I love God more than anything and I am unafraid to shout it from the rooftops knowing that it is when I proclaim his name that He will open up the floodgates. Praise His holy name!


O sweet Lord...save me!

>> Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Today has been a day....it has been one of those days that I wish that I would have just stayed in bed and not graced the world with my presence. But the looming thought of how much time and effort I put into my papers and homework was the prybar that I utelized to seperate my slumbering body from my comfortable coocoon of blankets. Thank goodness one of my close friends sits beside me in all of my classes, it kept me sane for the hours of my professors droning on. All I could think about was the fact that I completely FORGOT to write my paper on Republican Motherhood...grrr...how stupid and forgetful can I be?! It wasn't like anything too important happened this weekend that could have caused my memory lapse...in fact, nothing important happened at all. I spent a good majority of the weekend in bed where I found solace in dreamland - no papers to write and no speeches to give. It was everything that I could have wanted in a weekend...ahhh. :) But upon the discovery of the unwritten paper, the comfortable feelings of the weekend faded. O well, Dr. Esh has given me until tomorrow evening at 9 o'clock p.m. to have a copy of my paper to him...thank God about that!

Today's chapel was A-mazing! If you are an NNU student and you didn't attend chapel today, you missed out on some good preaching. :) Even though I franticially finished my anatomy and physiology homework through some of the sermon, it still hit homerun in my heart. I have never been a crying person, especially in church but today I couldn't deny the hot tears that flowed. My spirit needed that sermon more than ever. Praise the Lord!



>> Friday, October 10, 2008

I would love to say that it is the middle of December and the snow is falling gracefully to the ground but I would be lying to you...we are still within the first two weeks of October and we have already had our first snowfall. It wasn't enough to excite the dormant snowboarder in me...in fact, it didn't excite me at all. If anything, it frustrated me. It isn't near close enough to December to have the snow gracing the face of this dear Earth. I want to enjoy this fall season without the threat of frozen water falling from the sky...o sweet Lord please save us all!

So what is it about the male race that there is a lack of intelligence sometimes? Does it come naturally or they actually try to be so stupid sometimes? This is an honest question. I have finally found someone in this world that I like but he has yet to return my phone calls and text messages since Sunday and it hurts so bad. It is like a cold wind blowing through the warm fleece around my heart. Without effort, he has found the one way to cut through me. I don't want to cry but somehow that seems like the only capable response. I guess that I shall just wait patiently for his call and prayerfull he will find the urge to contact me.


Something truly happens...

>> Thursday, October 2, 2008

I didn't wake up this morning to the birds chirping or the lovely smell of breakfast on the table waiting for me. In fact...it was quite the opposite...it was cold in my room no thanks to the lack of intelligence that I had last night when I was hot and opened my window, my pillow was on the floor and somehow I was the insides of a burrito with my blankets. It was only 6 am...I still had 2 more hours to play in dreamland but there I was, awake, cold and contemplative. Somehow I managed to find myself in dreamland again because, what seemed like a short time later, I awoke to the irritating sound of my cell phone alarm. Begrudgingly I dragged myself out of bed and to the shower. I took a lenthy shower simply letting the water cascade over me and wash the irritations of the morning away. Before long I was off to school...o joy! I made it through my classes with little to no embarrassing moments...which is a miracle considering I tend to find myself as the center of attention at the most inopprotune times. My last class of the day was Cornerstone; a class that I have absolutely no desire to take with a professor who has no desire to teach it. He concluded today's lesson with the end of a movie that we began last week. When we start it, we are caught up in the love story of an aspiring writer and a fan of his. They are married and she is nearing the end of her life because she is suffering from bone cancer. Thus this blog is birthed...

The image of her being brought home from the local hospital and placed in the common living area so that she will not have to face the struggle of the stairs flashes across the screen and all of a sudden, I see Nanny in her place with me at her side. I can't help but to feel my hot tears fill my eyes and a knot form in my throat. I see myself staying by her side well after she has fallen asleep just to simply be with her. When she awakens and says that I need to let her go, I tell her that I don't think that I can. Time runs out and we must stop the movie - it is time to leave class for the day, but I can't help but replay that scene over and over in my head. Will I sometime soon find myself in that situation? Will Nanny be on her death bed and me beside her? I didn't know the answers when class was over and I still don't know but after tonight's choir practice, I have a peace. Tonight we rehearsed a song that we will be singing on Sunday for the Centennial Celebration for the Church of the Nazarene and as each member of the choir spoke, I couldn't help but find myself lost in the reality of the song. Lost for words, I found myself signing the song because those were the only words I could produce for part of practice. Something really does happen when we speak the name of Jesus - something that we as humans are not capable of doing. He, with the simple speaking of a word or touching of His hand, can calm the seas and heal the sick. So with faith I say tonight that by the power of the name of Jesus, I believe in His healing power and glory. Tonight, I humbly bring Nanny to His feet and ask for a touch of healing. On Sunday as I sing this song with my fellow choir members and our wonderful soloist, I will sing on behalf of Nanny, knowing that simply speaking His name can bring power beyond all understanding.God is good all the time; all the time God is good. And I firmly believe in that. God has an amazing power beyond what any one of us could ever comprehend. We shouldn't second guess our God and Lord. He is truly an amazing one!