An Update...

>> Thursday, August 27, 2009

It has be a while since I last blogged...sorry for those of you who depend on my blog or other techy things to keep in touch with me. I have pretty much failed at that lately. I need to make it more of a habit but it is hard when working long days and not having much time to do anything. :(

I have been working lots lately. In the last 2 weeks, I have clocked more hours than I normally do in about 6 weeks, which has thoroughly exhausted me. But after tomorrow, school starts up, and my schedule will be more forgiving and flexible. Definitely looking forward to getting some sleep.

Along with working lots, I have been training for my karate test. It is a little over a week away and I am getting excited to test for my gold belt. I am sad this time that we won't have the chance to get our belts the traditional way like we did last time. :( But o well....such is life. I am hoping that once I get to my black belt rank that I will get to do it the traditional way with my female sensei. Even though she is not the one who is teaching me now, I am hoping that that will be an option when I get to that point. Granted that it still 3 years away so a lot can change between now and then.

I got in my first accident yesterday. I was stuck in traffic and the car behind the car behind me rear ended him at about 45 mph causing the car behind me to rear end me. Yeah...it stinks. I am pretty sore and really have no desire to do anything other than just relax and waste time away but that isn't an option. One good thing about this accident, my car is officially "totaled" so I will be getting a new car. For those of you who have not seen my car, it was pretty much "totaled" from a previous owner but now it is really a goner. O well...such is life.

Well that's pretty much it. Hope that everyone else is doing fine....I would love to hear from you.

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I know I don't compare...

>> Sunday, August 2, 2009

Have you ever had that feeling like no matter what, you will never compare to someone else? I have had that feeling lately and I have had to learn to be okay with not being equal with them...knowing that I rank lower than those that I compare myself to. It is a hard place to be in and no one that I know enjoys it. But I am coming to find out that no matter how much we try to avoid it, we all find ourselves in this situation at one point or another. In the midst of it all, we feel like we are the fish at the bottom of the barrel - the unwanted ones. At some point we have to come to grips with reality but it isn't easy. It is difficult to accept that we will never be what we want to be to others; we will not rank on their list where they rank on our's. But as I can testify from experience, it is easier on yourself to just accept it and move on. But for some reason in this situation, I am having a really hard time accepting it and moving on. I wonder if it is because these people treat me noticeably different than others, or because I don't want to give up on the hope of one day meaning as much to these people as they mean to me. It brings me to tears to think about it. O well...such is life I guess.

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