45 Things

My friend posted this as a note on her Facebook page and I really liked it so I am reposting it. I really think that everyone can take something from it.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written . My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple..
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
45. Friends are the family you choose.

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The Ultimate Birth Control

So I have never really agreed with the whole idea of giving a young person the task of taking care of a child(ren) for a given period of time in an effort to keep them from having unprotected sex and therefore producing offspring, but after today, I would venture to say that that is a rather effective way of putting a decline to teenage pregnancies. Here's my ultimate birth control story...

I have a friend who has 3 kids, the youngest is in kindergarten and the oldest is in 4th grade. Well in an effort to help my friend out since she has been having a lot of back issues lately, I offered to take care of the kids and dinner for the day. My day started at about 9:30 am (at this point, I had only had about 6 hours of sleep since I worked the night before and didn't get to sleep until about 3:30ish). I got out of bed, got ready for the day and headed to the office. Since today was the 16th, I had to turn in my time card so that I can actually get paid for the work I do (novel concept...I know). I also needed to make copies of my paperwork since I am not up at the office on a regular basis. I finally escaped the office at about 11 am...45 minutes until I had to be at the school to pick up the youngest and still one more errand to run. I quickly dashed through Costco to pick up some groceries for my friend (shopping isn't quite pleasurable when in pain) and off to the school. I made it with just a few minutes to spare before they were dismissed. After escaping the mess of the school parking lot, we went back to the house, packed a lunch for her and headed to go grab lunch for me since in my brilliance in the morning, I forgot to pack a lunch...so intelligent, I know. We had a nice lunch in the park and played for about 45 minutes then headed to a local water fountain so that she could play in the water. The wind was blowing so playing in the water didn't last long which gave me a bit of extra time to get to the store and grab stuff for dinner. We made it out of the store with only one fit being thrown...yay! We then headed back to the house and enjoyed a movie and a game of Uno before I had to go and pick up the two oldest at school at 3:30. After picking those two up, I prompted all 3 of them every step of the way to put away their school items, to find their karate gis and eat a snack. I gave one last call for anything that they may want to take with them to the dojo to play with/eat while they waited for their siblings to be done training. While the youngest was training, I headed to the store next door to ship off a package. I came back just as she was about to start sparring...and only then did I realize that I forgot the sparring bag at home. So needless to say, all three of the kids had no mouthguards while training. Thank goodness that the dojo at least has headgear and gloves that they could use. While the two older ones trained, I took the little one with me and headed to my house so that I could grab what I needed for work tonight...scrubs, shoes, socks, laptop, snack. After karate, we headed back to their house. They started chores while I made dinner and cleaned the kitchen. After dinner, they continued with chores as did I. By the time I had finished my list of things to do, it was about 15 minutes before I had to leave for work so I soaked up a few minutes of just relaxing and snuggling with the youngest one.

My day playing 'mom' wrapped up at about 8:30 and I was exhausted. It gave me a refreshed apprieciation for moms and what they do in a day. It also made me realize that I am not cut out to be a mom. There is no way that I could be a stay at home mom but I feel like I would have to to be able to keep up with everything that having children entails. Several people have told me that it is so much different when the kids are my own and I am sure that is the truth but at this point, I really cannot justify having kids.

Now I can't say that I won't repeat my ultimate birth control expirence because next Wednesday, I am going to do it all over again. But I think with time, I will get used to it. And I know I will come to enjoy it more and more. I feel so blessed that my friend has given me the blessing of being able to be a part of her children's lives. It is amazing.

Well that's it for now...it is 1 am and I still have a while longer before I am off work but there are still more things to get done before I can call it quits for the day. I hope that y'all are doing well! God bless!

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Anything besides murder...

I know...its a weird title but what can you expect at almost midnight? But humor me and read along...

If you are a friend of mine, you need to read this. I want you to know that no matter what, I am here for you. I will do anything besides murder (hence the title of this blog) if I know that it will help in the end, and even if I don't know, I will still do it. I am a person who would give up the clothes on my back and walk around naked if it would help you. Yeah, I am weird but that is how I am so just get used to it. I will be here whenever you need me, night or day. I am never more than a phone call/text message/e-mail away. Please do not hesitate to ask me for help. If I can't help you, I will do everything that I can to find someone who can. That is what friends are for.

Okay...that's it for tonight. :) Love y'all!

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An Update...

It has be a while since I last blogged...sorry for those of you who depend on my blog or other techy things to keep in touch with me. I have pretty much failed at that lately. I need to make it more of a habit but it is hard when working long days and not having much time to do anything. :(

I have been working lots lately. In the last 2 weeks, I have clocked more hours than I normally do in about 6 weeks, which has thoroughly exhausted me. But after tomorrow, school starts up, and my schedule will be more forgiving and flexible. Definitely looking forward to getting some sleep.

Along with working lots, I have been training for my karate test. It is a little over a week away and I am getting excited to test for my gold belt. I am sad this time that we won't have the chance to get our belts the traditional way like we did last time. :( But o well....such is life. I am hoping that once I get to my black belt rank that I will get to do it the traditional way with my female sensei. Even though she is not the one who is teaching me now, I am hoping that that will be an option when I get to that point. Granted that it still 3 years away so a lot can change between now and then.

I got in my first accident yesterday. I was stuck in traffic and the car behind the car behind me rear ended him at about 45 mph causing the car behind me to rear end me. Yeah...it stinks. I am pretty sore and really have no desire to do anything other than just relax and waste time away but that isn't an option. One good thing about this accident, my car is officially "totaled" so I will be getting a new car. For those of you who have not seen my car, it was pretty much "totaled" from a previous owner but now it is really a goner. O well...such is life.

Well that's pretty much it. Hope that everyone else is doing fine....I would love to hear from you.

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I know I don't compare...

Have you ever had that feeling like no matter what, you will never compare to someone else? I have had that feeling lately and I have had to learn to be okay with not being equal with them...knowing that I rank lower than those that I compare myself to. It is a hard place to be in and no one that I know enjoys it. But I am coming to find out that no matter how much we try to avoid it, we all find ourselves in this situation at one point or another. In the midst of it all, we feel like we are the fish at the bottom of the barrel - the unwanted ones. At some point we have to come to grips with reality but it isn't easy. It is difficult to accept that we will never be what we want to be to others; we will not rank on their list where they rank on our's. But as I can testify from experience, it is easier on yourself to just accept it and move on. But for some reason in this situation, I am having a really hard time accepting it and moving on. I wonder if it is because these people treat me noticeably different than others, or because I don't want to give up on the hope of one day meaning as much to these people as they mean to me. It brings me to tears to think about it. O well...such is life I guess.

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A New Post...

I started writing a blog a month ago and just finished it tonight but it didn't post it at the top. It is called My Hands...My Story...so if you want to read it, it is down a bit further. I hope you enjoy it!

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To Trust or Not To Trust?

Who can you trust in this world? And how do you let those that you know and trust that you do trust them? It can be a sketchy situation where you have to walk that fine line between where you do trust a person and you don't trust a person and explain to them in the nicest of terms where that line is drawn. You may trust them to mow your lawn but you may not trust them to watch your kids while you and your significant other go out on a date. There are levels of trust that are achieved as a friendship/relationship progresses and you can't rush the process.

So why all this talk about trust?... I have a few friends that I tell that I will trust them until they give me a reason not to but I think that they think that I trust anyone willy-nilly. And trust me, I DO NOT! Trust is given out very carefully by me; I hold onto until the last possible second when I realize that I must trust this person with this situation. And if, by chance, a person betrays my trust, it takes a very long time to earn it back. Trust does not come casually to me.

Well that's my two cents on the issue...

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Prince Charming or Dork in Aluminum Foil?

A few single friends and I had a conversation not too long ago about being single in a world that seems to portray that it is much better to be in a relationship than to fly solo through life. We all pretty much came to the same conclusion that we are fine being single but we wouldn't object to dating and eventually getting married. Yes, there are times where it is harder than others to be single but it is par for the course and we will get through it - just have to wait.

During the conversation with my friends, we discussed what we call our future husband that we are waiting for. Many of them have, what I call, the Cinderella complex. Walt Disney has created this image in young girl's heads that when they meet the guy that they are supposed to marry, he will come and rescue them on a white steed in full armor and they will ride off into the sunset together. Now this isn't a bad thing for young girls who enjoy dressing up and wearing the plastic character shoes, but when a girl gets to about 13, I think that she needs to let go of that stereotype and realize that only unless she wants to find herself locked in the highest room of the tallest tower of a castle surrounded by boiling lava and guarded by a fire-breathing dragon, she will not be rescued then fall in love with a knight in shining armor on a white horse - it just doesn't happen in every day life.

So I gave my two cents on what I think....since I am not Cinderella and I really have no desire to be locked away from civilization for an extensive amount of time while waiting for some guy to find a white horse and be fitted for a full suit of armor, I will settle for a dork in aluminum foil on a stick horse. He can be the nerdiest guy around and have not a clue in the world as to how to even mount a horse, but he will be my nerdy-horse riding challenged husband.

So what do you have...Prince Charming or a Dork in Aluminum Foil?

I would love to hear your stories of how you met your current spouse. I love them! One of the greatest stories that I have heard have come from a couple of friends who were high school sweethearts. I won't bore you with it but it made me smile. :) So please comment - I want to hear from you!

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Randomness....at its best!

It is rather quiet tonight...well I guess morning. I am currently at work sitting around and waiting for the 2 o'clock AM feeding to come around. They told me to keep occupied and that as long as I was quiet, they could care less what I did...so I figured that I would write a blog. It has been a while since I have had the opportunity to post anything so this may be quite the random blog. So sit back and enjoy this....my drink suggestion is a Caramel Frappicino from Starbucks...mmmm.

As of Wednesday of last week, I am now a hachi kyu (AKA: a yellow belt in karate). Yeah...I know...not too high of ranking but I feel like I worked hard to get my belt. Granted I didn't get the scores that I wanted to on my test but according to my Sensei, I did really well. This quarter I am determined to work even harder and get better scores. :) If I do well at the next test in 4 months, I am considering going to my first tournament in October. I am not a very competitive person...well at least not as bad as I used to be in high school but I figure that karate is something coompletely new and it could be fun to compete. So we will see... :) O...and I am sending out a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to all of the ichi kyus that took the black belt test and passed. The Nampa School of Karate now has 5 new black belts! Congratulations to all of you!

I found out today that I may not have a developmental tech job for over the summer...pretty much bites the big one! I was talking to my participant's mom and they are moving up to Riggins for the summer so they will not be having services over the summer. I haven't told my supervisor and neither has she. She has sold her house and they have 2 weeks until they have to be moved out....so basicially I have 2 weeks before I will be SOL when it comes to that job. I don't know how I feel about it. I have finally got myself into a schedule and rythm when it comes to the whole school/work/extra activities and I hate to ruin it now. God willing...this will not throw a huge kink in my plans but we will see.

This past week one of my last single friends got engaged....I honestly didn't think that it would get me like it has but o boy has it definitely left me feeling kind of down and out. I know that people keep telling me to stop looking and the guy that I am meant to be with will just show up but it is kind of difficult when some of the people that are closest to me are moving forward with their lives in that area while I am stuck on idle. It isn't like I am not making progress in life...in fact, it is quite the opposite. For the first time in several years, I feel like I am moving in the direction that I want my life to go. It may not be what others think is right but it is my life and I will live it as I so please. I am sure in time, my future husband will come along on and cause me to fall head over heels for him (literally!) but for now I think I will try my best to enjoy the fact that I have no one else that I have to worry about when it comes to life. I can do things as I so please with no worries that I have to work in another person's life into it all. The freedom is nice but I would be lying to you if I told you that I am completely okay with being single. I wouldn't mind the companionship and relational intimacy (non-physical of course!) that a significant other brings. But I will wait patiently knowing that when my dork in aluminum foil shows up on his stick horse to ride off into the sunset with me that it will be all in God's timing - not mine.

Well it is getting closer to feeding time so I guess that I should finish the rest of my paperwork so that as soon as I am done feeding them, I can head home. :) Talk to y'all later! God bless!

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My Hands...My Story

Everytime I look at my hands, I think of the song that I heard several years ago called "Daddy's Hands" by Holly Dunn. The song tells the story of a daughter's view of her daddy's hands. It spurred my thought process to think of how everyone has a story to be told and some people use pictures, some use stories and some people, like me, use their hands.



My hands have been my life for almost 14 years; I started signing just before my 9th birthday. At that point, I had no clue what God had in store for me with sign language. I learned to sign just as a way to get out of the house one night a week and then more often once we started performances (I was in a sign language group that performed songs in sign language at various events and nursing homes).



But more than sign language, my hands have been my defense in the face of danger. I didn't exactly grow up in the best of environments and sometimes I found myself defending myself from those who I thought would protect and love me no matter what. Those years of defending myself have taken a toll on my hands and my heart. My hands (and the rest of my body) bear scars of times where my hands failed to protect me. As for my heart, I have found myself searching for love in a world that doesn't offer love like the love that I want/need. I have realized that the love that I need and want can only be found in the One who created me. He is the only one who has stood beside me and protected me when my hands have failed me and when my hands couldn't even protect me. He has stood strong beside me.



Like I said before, when I first learned sign language, I had no clue what God had in store for me in the years to come. As I progressed through life, I had the blessing of using my sign language to entertain others at talent shows and other various performances. But during my freshman year of college, the entertaining of others with my sign language came at my expense. It was during a warm spring evening in Arkansas when a friend and I decided to go swimming in the river just behind the university that we were attending. My careless night of fun changed my life forever. I contracted what doctors believe to be meningitis. I now have congenital progressive nerve damage hearing loss in both ears. I wear hearing aids full time and use an interpreter or assistive listening device when needed.

If I would have known when I dove into that river that night that I would find myself here today, I don't think I would have done it. But thanks to my desire to escape my house at a young age, I am now well prepared for no matter what life throws my way. But learning to deal with hearing loss hasn't been easy. When I first lost my hearing, I refused to speak. I faded from the world. It wasn't until I got home and got my hearing aids that I really connected with the world again. And the even then, the adjustment wasn't easy. My self esteem was through the floor and the simple noticing of my hearing aids by strangers set my mind on a whirl-wind adventure of doubting everything that I had been up until that point. I would often find myself silently asking the question "Do people think that I am stupid, or mentally challenged because I wear hearing aids?". In time, the frustration and embarrassment of wearing hearing aids faded and the questions no longer raced through my mind. There are still moments that I find myself embarrassed by my hearing aids but they are few and far between.

As part of my adjustment to an almost silent world, I had to find an interpreter for school and invest in an assistive listening device, both of which, I knew, would draw more attention to my hearing loss. But I took the opportunity afforded to me to inform others of the dangers that lurk in every activity that we do and that something as simple as a swim in a river can cost you more than what you may bargain for. The one thing that I hope to do by informing people of my hearing loss is to simply change one mind and hopefully save a life in the process.

So that's the story of my hands. Didn't really have much of a reason for writing this, just felt like I should. :) I hope that you enjoyed it.

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Karate Celebration...or Test

I have successfully finished my first karate test. On Wednesday, I will get to sit down and discuss with my Sensei how I did and recieve my yellow belt. I will not longer be a white belt. I will proudly wear my hand-me-down belt from my friend, Tiffany.

To be completely honest, I was really nervous about my test. My Sensei has been reassuring me for the past few weeks that it isn't like I am actually being tested. As long as I show up to the test and do my best, I will pass. It isn't until I reach my purple belt (I believe) that I will actually be tested. (For those of you who don't know, the karate ranks are as follows: White, Yellow, Gold, Orange, Purple, Green, Brown with white stripe, Brown, Brown with black stripe, Black.) But no matter how much she told me that, I was still extremely nervous and to my misfortune, when I get really nervous, I cry. So I cried...at the testing site before the test started. But I made it through and that is what matters. It wasn't as scary as I thought that it was going to be which was good but it was intimidating since it was my first test. My male Sensei told me to be strong and I did just that. And my female Sensei told me "GAMBATTE! (never give up)" and I did that too. So I did well. Granted, I did have a hard time hearing what our head Sensei was saying so it was slightly frustrating there and it didn't help that my partner wasn't paying attention enough to know what she needed to do. But you can't expect everything to go smoothly.

I feel really blessed to be able to train with such amazing people who are supportive no matter what. Speaking of training, if any of you would like to train with me, just let me know. And if there are any women that you know who would enjoy a women's only karate/self defense class, let me know about them too. We are always looking for new students and since all of our white belts just became yellow belts, we need some new people to start this quarter.

I hope that you all are doing well. I miss you all lots and we all need to catch up. Love y'all!

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A kick in the face...a lesson in life!

So in case you don't know, I am currently training in karate. And here's a story to share with you from one of my expiriences...

I was training last week at the dojo (the training facility) and it was a night that we spar (fight) so after putting on my gear, I chose my partner. Now since I am a white belt, I try to stay away from sparring others who are much larger and higher ranking than me, so I chose a newbie in the class. It was his second class and so I figured that he wouldn't know too many moves. So we started and out of no where, the guy jumps up and kicks me in the face. Of course, I fell to the ground and was in pain but I was wearing a mouth guard so I was pretty safe. After a few minutes, I was back out on the mat sparring again. I didn't know it at the time, but I more than likely have a small hairline fracture in my jaw because of this.

Despite the pain and frustration of being kicked in the face, I feel like I learned something. I have learned that it is more important to have control and be patient than to come out kicking and punching. My Sensei ephasized gambatte (never give up) and kinaginymastu (wait patiently) in this situation. The only thing that it will get you is a stern lecture from your Sensei and a partner in pain.

So...that's my story of how getting kicked in the face taught me a lesson.

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25 Things About Me!

I have been tagged a few times for this so here it goes. I will try not to repeat anything from previous ones.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. Please do it even if I didn't tag you!!

1. I am a very intensive deep-thinker. I find joy in deep conversations and love learning where people's hearts are. Yeah...I guess it can be irritating sometimes but there is so much to be learned simply by listening.

2. I have heart for Africa. I can't really explain why but I do. One of these days I would love to go on a missions trip there. My church is taking a Work and Witness trip there this summer and prayerfully I will get to attend but we will see what God has planned for me.

3. Someone (I will mention no names) wrote in my yearbook while growing up that I was cool because we had the same name. I have always held onto that thought that people only think I am cool because they have something in common with me. It can sometimes overwhelm me and stress me out to no end.

4. I will be a life-long learner. There is always something to be learned through-out life and I haven't even made a dent yet.

5. I want to be a woman that people look at and see God shining through. I have no desire to be a shining star - I would perfer to be a moon that reflects the Son's glory!!!

6. My passion for writing wasn't birthed until my freshman year in high school. My English teacher during that year inspired and encouraged me to write. Now it is one of my stress relievers and I am so thankful that God has given me the gift of being able to express myself that way.

7. I am really sad to have never met Mama Kay's dad. From what I have heard about him, he was awesome!

8. I love music. It is my passion! I miss being a music major and I wish that I wouldn't have lost my hearing and lost my confidence because of it. I hope to one day be able to sing like I did a few years ago but until then I will stick to my quest to learn how to play the piano and cello.

9. I am addicted to online networking. I love reconnecting with people that I haven't seen in so long and even those I just met. :) It is awesome what technology can do.

10. I miss the simplicity of my younger years. I wish I could just enjoy that time again.

11. I almost love being sore after working out. It reminds me that I have worked hard and that my body is getting stronger.

12. I love how God finds just the right way to speak to me at any particular moment. There is nothing like falling to my knees and knowing that His still voice is speaking volumes to my heart.

13. I am not a fan of shopping for clothes. I have a really hard time fitting my body shape so I tend to stick to jeans and t-shirts.

14. When my mom found out that she was pregnant with me, she asked my biological father if he wanted to look at names. He said something along the lines of "You will have a girl, she will have brown hair, green eyes and her name will be Whitney." Well...tada! Here I am! :)

15. Believe it or not, I am shy.

16. One of my favorite memories from my time at Ouachita was when three AMAZING girls sang one of my favorite Point of Grace songs. :)

17. I am a fan of lists. I make lists for all sorts of things...I guess it can be slightly irritating to others.

18. When I get married, I am going to be rocking Converse! I refuse to wear high heels.

19. To be completely honest, I am okay with how I look. I enjoy getting up in the morning, not worrying about make-up or anything like that. I rock my jeans and t-shirts and enjoy it. I do enjoy getting dressed up and don't mind it sometimes but I think that God has created me perfectly. :)

20. I feel like I tend to be an embarrassment to myself and that people think that I am some sort of freak.

21. I think I try to hard to fit in. I still struggle with feeling like I am the one on the outside.

22. I make cakes for my friends and am thinking about one day getting a degree in that area. I love the joy on people's faces when they see the cakes. It makes me happy!

23. For me, there is no subsitute for a good evening with a good friend watching one of the best shows on the face of the Earth...Boy Meets World. I love you Em!!

24. I am the first person in my family in almost 5 generations to have green eyes.

25. It has taken me almost 2 weeks to complete this. Ahhh!!

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Creative Expression

Tonight was the start of No Greater Love choir rehearsals. It was filled with laughs, tears and friends...well...at least for everyone else. Prior to the start of the rehearsal, one of the ladies that sits behind me made a comment that really distracted me during this important time. She said that when I had bent over sometime last week, I had embarrassed a man behind me because he saw my tattoo. I was really taken back by this. Now I know that it is different for Christians to have tattoos but it isn't like I have some offensive name tattooed on my body - in fact, all of my tattoos are spiritual. I have one on my lower back that has a Jesus fish underneath 3 different Chinese symbols that stand for daughter, sister and friend. It is all surrounded by water. And my other one is on my left side with a backwards American flag and Phil. 4:13 underneath it. I was really hurt by this comment - it made me wonder if people see me differently because of my tattoos. My tattoos are my creative expression of my faith and the role that it plays in my life. So to hear someone be so offended by them was hurtful. I was really hurt by this comment - it made me wonder if people see me differently because of my tattoos. So...please...post your two cents. I would love to hear it.

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I'm still kickin'!

It is Tuesday night....the good Lord has blessed me beyond all imagination.

Tonight I went to the Chonda Pierce concert and it was amazing. I got to see a few friends that I haven't seen in a really long time. I feel really blessed that I got to see those people and really express to one of them my true thankfulness that I have for them and what they did. I think they thought that I was kind of wierd but O well. I just really sensed God telling me that I needed to tell them that.

Well it is late and I am tired but I thought that I would post and let y'all know that I am still kickin'!

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Now is not the time!

Okay so I definitely should be doing homework but I gotta get this stuff out of my mind on onto some 'paper' so if you have time, feel free to read, but if not, that is okay. I don't have a drink suggestion tonight or any other suggestions -my mind is exhausted and my body is even more exhausted. I can't sleep though because of the massive amount of homework sitting next to me (gotta love being a nursing major) and this thing that is on my mind and heart.

So I have been having some weird dreams lately and even stranger (is that a word in this context?) thought processes....o sweet Lord save me now please! Last night I had a dream that I married someone that I know and I was pregnant. Now, for those of you who know me pretty well know that I have no plans to get married any time soon and I DO NOT want kids at all (I simply can't justify replicating...that's why there are mormon families...they populate the Earth just fine). What makes the dreams worse is that my mom keeps pressuring me into getting married and to have kids. I just want to yell and scream - is that an okay reaction? I hope so because that is definitely what I feel like doing. What doesn't she understand about the fact that I am NOT ready to get married and that I will NEVER have children. She can live without biological grandchildren - I have seen several older people deal with that and she is just going to have to survive. And somehow I am thinking that I must have a sign that is invisible to me that says "HOOK ME UP WITH SOMEONE - I AM SINGLE AND DESPERATE!!" I really am okay with completeing school before getting married - after all, who would want to stay up all night with me studying nursing terms just to make sure that I graduate. Now I know that some people go to college to get their MRS Degree but that is not me. Isn't it okay to just be me? Isn't it okay to want to go on missions trips, play soccer, sing and do all of my dreams without getting married? Isn't part of the college expierence to figure out who you are without the people around you who have been defining you for most of your life up to that point? Now, please don't get me wrong. I wouldn't mind going out on dates once and a while, but I am not ready for settling down unless settling down includes a person who is ready to conquer the world with me. So please don't think I am swearing boys off permenantly because I am sure, somewhere out there, there is that guy who is just waiting and praying for me. But when it is time, I will meet him and we will go from there but that time is not now (or at least in my book it isn't). I dream of the big beautiful wedding with all of my friends and family but that dream will come true in its own time which also isn't now.

Okay...well time to get back to homework. And hopefully some sleep before midnight but I still have about 20 pages to read and to take notes on so we will see how that goes. Thank you for taking the time to read my venting. :) Love y'all!

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