Anything besides murder...

I know...its a weird title but what can you expect at almost midnight? But humor me and read along...

If you are a friend of mine, you need to read this. I want you to know that no matter what, I am here for you. I will do anything besides murder (hence the title of this blog) if I know that it will help in the end, and even if I don't know, I will still do it. I am a person who would give up the clothes on my back and walk around naked if it would help you. Yeah, I am weird but that is how I am so just get used to it. I will be here whenever you need me, night or day. I am never more than a phone call/text message/e-mail away. Please do not hesitate to ask me for help. If I can't help you, I will do everything that I can to find someone who can. That is what friends are for.

Okay...that's it for tonight. :) Love y'all!

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An Update...

It has be a while since I last blogged...sorry for those of you who depend on my blog or other techy things to keep in touch with me. I have pretty much failed at that lately. I need to make it more of a habit but it is hard when working long days and not having much time to do anything. :(

I have been working lots lately. In the last 2 weeks, I have clocked more hours than I normally do in about 6 weeks, which has thoroughly exhausted me. But after tomorrow, school starts up, and my schedule will be more forgiving and flexible. Definitely looking forward to getting some sleep.

Along with working lots, I have been training for my karate test. It is a little over a week away and I am getting excited to test for my gold belt. I am sad this time that we won't have the chance to get our belts the traditional way like we did last time. :( But o well....such is life. I am hoping that once I get to my black belt rank that I will get to do it the traditional way with my female sensei. Even though she is not the one who is teaching me now, I am hoping that that will be an option when I get to that point. Granted that it still 3 years away so a lot can change between now and then.

I got in my first accident yesterday. I was stuck in traffic and the car behind the car behind me rear ended him at about 45 mph causing the car behind me to rear end me. Yeah...it stinks. I am pretty sore and really have no desire to do anything other than just relax and waste time away but that isn't an option. One good thing about this accident, my car is officially "totaled" so I will be getting a new car. For those of you who have not seen my car, it was pretty much "totaled" from a previous owner but now it is really a goner. O well...such is life.

Well that's pretty much it. Hope that everyone else is doing fine....I would love to hear from you.

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I know I don't compare...

Have you ever had that feeling like no matter what, you will never compare to someone else? I have had that feeling lately and I have had to learn to be okay with not being equal with them...knowing that I rank lower than those that I compare myself to. It is a hard place to be in and no one that I know enjoys it. But I am coming to find out that no matter how much we try to avoid it, we all find ourselves in this situation at one point or another. In the midst of it all, we feel like we are the fish at the bottom of the barrel - the unwanted ones. At some point we have to come to grips with reality but it isn't easy. It is difficult to accept that we will never be what we want to be to others; we will not rank on their list where they rank on our's. But as I can testify from experience, it is easier on yourself to just accept it and move on. But for some reason in this situation, I am having a really hard time accepting it and moving on. I wonder if it is because these people treat me noticeably different than others, or because I don't want to give up on the hope of one day meaning as much to these people as they mean to me. It brings me to tears to think about it. O well...such is life I guess.

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A New Post...

I started writing a blog a month ago and just finished it tonight but it didn't post it at the top. It is called My Hands...My Story...so if you want to read it, it is down a bit further. I hope you enjoy it!

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To Trust or Not To Trust?

Who can you trust in this world? And how do you let those that you know and trust that you do trust them? It can be a sketchy situation where you have to walk that fine line between where you do trust a person and you don't trust a person and explain to them in the nicest of terms where that line is drawn. You may trust them to mow your lawn but you may not trust them to watch your kids while you and your significant other go out on a date. There are levels of trust that are achieved as a friendship/relationship progresses and you can't rush the process.

So why all this talk about trust?... I have a few friends that I tell that I will trust them until they give me a reason not to but I think that they think that I trust anyone willy-nilly. And trust me, I DO NOT! Trust is given out very carefully by me; I hold onto until the last possible second when I realize that I must trust this person with this situation. And if, by chance, a person betrays my trust, it takes a very long time to earn it back. Trust does not come casually to me.

Well that's my two cents on the issue...

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Prince Charming or Dork in Aluminum Foil?

A few single friends and I had a conversation not too long ago about being single in a world that seems to portray that it is much better to be in a relationship than to fly solo through life. We all pretty much came to the same conclusion that we are fine being single but we wouldn't object to dating and eventually getting married. Yes, there are times where it is harder than others to be single but it is par for the course and we will get through it - just have to wait.

During the conversation with my friends, we discussed what we call our future husband that we are waiting for. Many of them have, what I call, the Cinderella complex. Walt Disney has created this image in young girl's heads that when they meet the guy that they are supposed to marry, he will come and rescue them on a white steed in full armor and they will ride off into the sunset together. Now this isn't a bad thing for young girls who enjoy dressing up and wearing the plastic character shoes, but when a girl gets to about 13, I think that she needs to let go of that stereotype and realize that only unless she wants to find herself locked in the highest room of the tallest tower of a castle surrounded by boiling lava and guarded by a fire-breathing dragon, she will not be rescued then fall in love with a knight in shining armor on a white horse - it just doesn't happen in every day life.

So I gave my two cents on what I think....since I am not Cinderella and I really have no desire to be locked away from civilization for an extensive amount of time while waiting for some guy to find a white horse and be fitted for a full suit of armor, I will settle for a dork in aluminum foil on a stick horse. He can be the nerdiest guy around and have not a clue in the world as to how to even mount a horse, but he will be my nerdy-horse riding challenged husband.

So what do you have...Prince Charming or a Dork in Aluminum Foil?

I would love to hear your stories of how you met your current spouse. I love them! One of the greatest stories that I have heard have come from a couple of friends who were high school sweethearts. I won't bore you with it but it made me smile. :) So please comment - I want to hear from you!

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Randomness....at its best!

It is rather quiet tonight...well I guess morning. I am currently at work sitting around and waiting for the 2 o'clock AM feeding to come around. They told me to keep occupied and that as long as I was quiet, they could care less what I did...so I figured that I would write a blog. It has been a while since I have had the opportunity to post anything so this may be quite the random blog. So sit back and enjoy this....my drink suggestion is a Caramel Frappicino from Starbucks...mmmm.

As of Wednesday of last week, I am now a hachi kyu (AKA: a yellow belt in karate). Yeah...I know...not too high of ranking but I feel like I worked hard to get my belt. Granted I didn't get the scores that I wanted to on my test but according to my Sensei, I did really well. This quarter I am determined to work even harder and get better scores. :) If I do well at the next test in 4 months, I am considering going to my first tournament in October. I am not a very competitive person...well at least not as bad as I used to be in high school but I figure that karate is something coompletely new and it could be fun to compete. So we will see... :) O...and I am sending out a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to all of the ichi kyus that took the black belt test and passed. The Nampa School of Karate now has 5 new black belts! Congratulations to all of you!

I found out today that I may not have a developmental tech job for over the summer...pretty much bites the big one! I was talking to my participant's mom and they are moving up to Riggins for the summer so they will not be having services over the summer. I haven't told my supervisor and neither has she. She has sold her house and they have 2 weeks until they have to be moved out....so basicially I have 2 weeks before I will be SOL when it comes to that job. I don't know how I feel about it. I have finally got myself into a schedule and rythm when it comes to the whole school/work/extra activities and I hate to ruin it now. God willing...this will not throw a huge kink in my plans but we will see.

This past week one of my last single friends got engaged....I honestly didn't think that it would get me like it has but o boy has it definitely left me feeling kind of down and out. I know that people keep telling me to stop looking and the guy that I am meant to be with will just show up but it is kind of difficult when some of the people that are closest to me are moving forward with their lives in that area while I am stuck on idle. It isn't like I am not making progress in life...in fact, it is quite the opposite. For the first time in several years, I feel like I am moving in the direction that I want my life to go. It may not be what others think is right but it is my life and I will live it as I so please. I am sure in time, my future husband will come along on and cause me to fall head over heels for him (literally!) but for now I think I will try my best to enjoy the fact that I have no one else that I have to worry about when it comes to life. I can do things as I so please with no worries that I have to work in another person's life into it all. The freedom is nice but I would be lying to you if I told you that I am completely okay with being single. I wouldn't mind the companionship and relational intimacy (non-physical of course!) that a significant other brings. But I will wait patiently knowing that when my dork in aluminum foil shows up on his stick horse to ride off into the sunset with me that it will be all in God's timing - not mine.

Well it is getting closer to feeding time so I guess that I should finish the rest of my paperwork so that as soon as I am done feeding them, I can head home. :) Talk to y'all later! God bless!

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