It rained.

>> Wednesday, November 12, 2008

With the Thanksgiving season not far off, I am reminded of the things that I am thankful for...and that was totally what I was going to post about. But that will have to wait because I have something so much more pressing on my heart and mind. So sit back and is time for Whitney's Wandering Thoughts....

It rained yesterday, but not just any rain. It was the type of sprinkle that could soak you to the deepest layers of underclothes before too long. I almost hate that type of rain, but then again, I tend to find a sense of release and freedom in the rain. When it rains, I have the childlike desire to run through the rain and jump into the biggest puddle to see how far I can get the rain to come up on my pants. But last night, my release and freedom was not jumping in puddles, instead my release came in the way of tears, after all, it is easier to pass off tears as raindrops when your face is already wet from the rain. After my classes yesterday, I went to visit an old high school teacher that still has a place in my heart. We were catching up and I learned something about her that I didn't know. It hit a cord in my heart that resonated through my entire body. I bit my lower lip in an effort to not cry but when I left and was walking out to my car, I couldn't help it. The floodgates behind my eyes opened and I was bawling like a little baby. What my teacher had expierenced hit me like a ton of bricks and it hurt. It really shouldn't have - she didn't seem so affected by it. But for some reason my heart hurt on such a deep level. I don't know what to say or feel so this is where I shall end.

God bless you all!


I can't lie to you.

>> Thursday, November 6, 2008

I would be lying to you if I told you that I was the happiest girl on the block and that I was higher than the clouds. But to be completely honest, I feel like I am looking up to see rock bottom. I know I'm not that low but right now it seems like it.

I am so homesick for Arkansas and my 'family' and friends there. I would do anything to go back right now and be with the ones I love. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I need to go back there but at the same time, I kind of don't want to. My last trip down there was important for me to spend some time with those that I love more than anything and for me to form the conclusion that I really didn't need to live there. I should be perfectly fine living 2000 miles away and only visiting 2, maybe 3, times a year, but for some reason right now, I am not. I am far from okay. Maybe it is because Nanny is having complications with her stomach because of the chemo; maybe it is because Joshua is coming home from Iraq in a little over a month and I won't be there to welcome him home. The people down there are the closest thing to family that I feel like I have. I feel like a college student that is really far from home and that I only get to come home for a couple weeks a year. But I need to get past this homesick phase so that I can focus on school. My grades will fall through the floor if I am not careful but I can't stop the hot tears from falling or the knot from forming in my throat. I guess that I will just have to find a way of coping with it no matter how difficult it is. Anyone got any ideas?


Yeah...I'm random!

>> Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I am not really sure what to write about, I just know that I haev this urge to write so here it goes...

This morning, one of my close friends and I had a pretty good heart and to heart talk. It didn't solve my problems or create world peace but down inside of me, it answered a few of those gut wrenching questions that I have had and have been too scared to ask. I apprieciate that I have friends like that. Ones that are willing to put aside their thoughts for a bit and be completely honest with me.

I should be writing a speech right now but my mind is foggy and I have a really bad headache. I can barely concentrate on trying to read th einformation, let alone try to write a speech for a competition that I have next weekend. Hopefully this sickness passes quickly and I will be able to push forth with working on this speech. If I don't, I very well may be speech coach bait.

I really want to go out on a date but I do not have the courage to ask a guy out. I wish that I was more confident but no such luck there. Maybe I just need my friends to set me up on a date or a few for this weekend. :)

Okay...well I guess that I should get back to working on homework. But here's a shoutout to all of my family in Arkansas I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD AND EVERYONE ELSE!