I can't lie to you.

>> Thursday, November 6, 2008

I would be lying to you if I told you that I was the happiest girl on the block and that I was higher than the clouds. But to be completely honest, I feel like I am looking up to see rock bottom. I know I'm not that low but right now it seems like it.

I am so homesick for Arkansas and my 'family' and friends there. I would do anything to go back right now and be with the ones I love. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I need to go back there but at the same time, I kind of don't want to. My last trip down there was important for me to spend some time with those that I love more than anything and for me to form the conclusion that I really didn't need to live there. I should be perfectly fine living 2000 miles away and only visiting 2, maybe 3, times a year, but for some reason right now, I am not. I am far from okay. Maybe it is because Nanny is having complications with her stomach because of the chemo; maybe it is because Joshua is coming home from Iraq in a little over a month and I won't be there to welcome him home. The people down there are the closest thing to family that I feel like I have. I feel like a college student that is really far from home and that I only get to come home for a couple weeks a year. But I need to get past this homesick phase so that I can focus on school. My grades will fall through the floor if I am not careful but I can't stop the hot tears from falling or the knot from forming in my throat. I guess that I will just have to find a way of coping with it no matter how difficult it is. Anyone got any ideas?