Creative Expression

Tonight was the start of No Greater Love choir rehearsals. It was filled with laughs, tears and friends...well...at least for everyone else. Prior to the start of the rehearsal, one of the ladies that sits behind me made a comment that really distracted me during this important time. She said that when I had bent over sometime last week, I had embarrassed a man behind me because he saw my tattoo. I was really taken back by this. Now I know that it is different for Christians to have tattoos but it isn't like I have some offensive name tattooed on my body - in fact, all of my tattoos are spiritual. I have one on my lower back that has a Jesus fish underneath 3 different Chinese symbols that stand for daughter, sister and friend. It is all surrounded by water. And my other one is on my left side with a backwards American flag and Phil. 4:13 underneath it. I was really hurt by this comment - it made me wonder if people see me differently because of my tattoos. My tattoos are my creative expression of my faith and the role that it plays in my life. So to hear someone be so offended by them was hurtful. I was really hurt by this comment - it made me wonder if people see me differently because of my tattoos. So...please...post your two cents. I would love to hear it.

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I'm still kickin'!

It is Tuesday night....the good Lord has blessed me beyond all imagination.

Tonight I went to the Chonda Pierce concert and it was amazing. I got to see a few friends that I haven't seen in a really long time. I feel really blessed that I got to see those people and really express to one of them my true thankfulness that I have for them and what they did. I think they thought that I was kind of wierd but O well. I just really sensed God telling me that I needed to tell them that.

Well it is late and I am tired but I thought that I would post and let y'all know that I am still kickin'!

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Now is not the time!

Okay so I definitely should be doing homework but I gotta get this stuff out of my mind on onto some 'paper' so if you have time, feel free to read, but if not, that is okay. I don't have a drink suggestion tonight or any other suggestions -my mind is exhausted and my body is even more exhausted. I can't sleep though because of the massive amount of homework sitting next to me (gotta love being a nursing major) and this thing that is on my mind and heart.

So I have been having some weird dreams lately and even stranger (is that a word in this context?) thought processes....o sweet Lord save me now please! Last night I had a dream that I married someone that I know and I was pregnant. Now, for those of you who know me pretty well know that I have no plans to get married any time soon and I DO NOT want kids at all (I simply can't justify replicating...that's why there are mormon families...they populate the Earth just fine). What makes the dreams worse is that my mom keeps pressuring me into getting married and to have kids. I just want to yell and scream - is that an okay reaction? I hope so because that is definitely what I feel like doing. What doesn't she understand about the fact that I am NOT ready to get married and that I will NEVER have children. She can live without biological grandchildren - I have seen several older people deal with that and she is just going to have to survive. And somehow I am thinking that I must have a sign that is invisible to me that says "HOOK ME UP WITH SOMEONE - I AM SINGLE AND DESPERATE!!" I really am okay with completeing school before getting married - after all, who would want to stay up all night with me studying nursing terms just to make sure that I graduate. Now I know that some people go to college to get their MRS Degree but that is not me. Isn't it okay to just be me? Isn't it okay to want to go on missions trips, play soccer, sing and do all of my dreams without getting married? Isn't part of the college expierence to figure out who you are without the people around you who have been defining you for most of your life up to that point? Now, please don't get me wrong. I wouldn't mind going out on dates once and a while, but I am not ready for settling down unless settling down includes a person who is ready to conquer the world with me. So please don't think I am swearing boys off permenantly because I am sure, somewhere out there, there is that guy who is just waiting and praying for me. But when it is time, I will meet him and we will go from there but that time is not now (or at least in my book it isn't). I dream of the big beautiful wedding with all of my friends and family but that dream will come true in its own time which also isn't now.

Okay...well time to get back to homework. And hopefully some sleep before midnight but I still have about 20 pages to read and to take notes on so we will see how that goes. Thank you for taking the time to read my venting. :) Love y'all!

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So it is snowing outside and I am going to wait a bit longer before I go out to shovel the driveway and sidewalk (even though it is supposed to snow until 11 pm). I really want to go to Starbucks so I am going to have to shovel at some point today even if it is at 7 pm before I head to my soccer game.

Last night I got to go and see a friend that I haven't seen a while. I forgot what it is like to have a good friend like her who is only a few years older than me. It was fun to enjoy some good dessert and to try some wine (mmm...). :) I also had the opprotunity to catch her up on my life. I didn't realize how much went on in the time that we didn't see each other.

I really don't have much else to say. I think I am going to get ready for the day. Brave the snow and get coffee for me and a few friends then go play in the snow. I hope that y'all had an amazing Christmas. God bless!

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It rained.

With the Thanksgiving season not far off, I am reminded of the things that I am thankful for...and that was totally what I was going to post about. But that will have to wait because I have something so much more pressing on my heart and mind. So sit back and relax...it is time for Whitney's Wandering Thoughts....

It rained yesterday, but not just any rain. It was the type of sprinkle that could soak you to the deepest layers of underclothes before too long. I almost hate that type of rain, but then again, I tend to find a sense of release and freedom in the rain. When it rains, I have the childlike desire to run through the rain and jump into the biggest puddle to see how far I can get the rain to come up on my pants. But last night, my release and freedom was not jumping in puddles, instead my release came in the way of tears, after all, it is easier to pass off tears as raindrops when your face is already wet from the rain. After my classes yesterday, I went to visit an old high school teacher that still has a place in my heart. We were catching up and I learned something about her that I didn't know. It hit a cord in my heart that resonated through my entire body. I bit my lower lip in an effort to not cry but when I left and was walking out to my car, I couldn't help it. The floodgates behind my eyes opened and I was bawling like a little baby. What my teacher had expierenced hit me like a ton of bricks and it hurt. It really shouldn't have - she didn't seem so affected by it. But for some reason my heart hurt on such a deep level. I don't know what to say or feel so this is where I shall end.

God bless you all!

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I can't lie to you.

I would be lying to you if I told you that I was the happiest girl on the block and that I was higher than the clouds. But to be completely honest, I feel like I am looking up to see rock bottom. I know I'm not that low but right now it seems like it.

I am so homesick for Arkansas and my 'family' and friends there. I would do anything to go back right now and be with the ones I love. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I need to go back there but at the same time, I kind of don't want to. My last trip down there was important for me to spend some time with those that I love more than anything and for me to form the conclusion that I really didn't need to live there. I should be perfectly fine living 2000 miles away and only visiting 2, maybe 3, times a year, but for some reason right now, I am not. I am far from okay. Maybe it is because Nanny is having complications with her stomach because of the chemo; maybe it is because Joshua is coming home from Iraq in a little over a month and I won't be there to welcome him home. The people down there are the closest thing to family that I feel like I have. I feel like a college student that is really far from home and that I only get to come home for a couple weeks a year. But I need to get past this homesick phase so that I can focus on school. My grades will fall through the floor if I am not careful but I can't stop the hot tears from falling or the knot from forming in my throat. I guess that I will just have to find a way of coping with it no matter how difficult it is. Anyone got any ideas?

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Yeah...I'm random!

I am not really sure what to write about, I just know that I haev this urge to write so here it goes...

This morning, one of my close friends and I had a pretty good heart and to heart talk. It didn't solve my problems or create world peace but down inside of me, it answered a few of those gut wrenching questions that I have had and have been too scared to ask. I apprieciate that I have friends like that. Ones that are willing to put aside their thoughts for a bit and be completely honest with me.

I should be writing a speech right now but my mind is foggy and I have a really bad headache. I can barely concentrate on trying to read th einformation, let alone try to write a speech for a competition that I have next weekend. Hopefully this sickness passes quickly and I will be able to push forth with working on this speech. If I don't, I very well may be speech coach bait.

I really want to go out on a date but I do not have the courage to ask a guy out. I wish that I was more confident but no such luck there. Maybe I just need my friends to set me up on a date or a few for this weekend. :)

Okay...well I guess that I should get back to working on homework. But here's a shoutout to all of my family in Arkansas I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD AND EVERYONE ELSE!

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